in which my abundant queerness overwhelms all involved.

i recently made a reservation to stay in a Lady's home in williamsburg, va, because i wanted to spend christmas having a Raging Party, complete with tricorn hats, fifes, drums, and the newport news 'celebration in lights.' that's when they convert a local park into a christmas lights extravaganza that the entire neighborhood of hampden in baltimore pays tithes to and worships as its superior in all things christmas-y and involving lights and mobile christmas decor. since there are no hostels to speak of in this colonial mecca, it was necessary and cheapest to stay in this Lady's home which is not quite a bed and breakfast, being that there is no breakfast. the conversation roughly went as follows, but to be read correctly a slightly elderly female southern accent must be inserted to represent the Lady:

me: i need a reservation for 2 people for 3 nights.
Lady: okay, well, who will you be traveling with, dear?
me: uh, a...friend. a girl. another girl.
Lady: 2 girls! oh, that's great. so i have 2 rooms available, one downstairs with 2 double beds, and one upstairs with 1 queen bed. which would you prefer?
me: ...
Lady: hello?
me: uh, yes, can we have the queen room please?
Lady: are you sure?
me: uhm, yes.
Lady: okay, i have a reservation for 2 girls to take the room with 1 queen size bed.
me: great.
Lady: i look forward to meeting you 2 girls.
me: me too. meeting you, that is. right.

and the rest of the conversation concerned money and boring things. but having lived in williamsburg for 18 years i know that there are roughly 2 types of people that happen to inhabit this outlet paradise: 1)those who hate queers but wouldn't know them if 2 women walked in with Pronounced Mullets, Plaid-like Clothing, Numerous Rainbow Memorabilia, Harmonizing 'Closer to Fine'; 2)those who hate queers, know one when they see one, and adjust their Southern Hospitality accordingly. me, i'm banking on the elderly woman falling into the oblivious category, but i dunno, i blatantly picked the bed-sharing situation. i'm gonna sport the Long-Haired and Consequently-Very-Heterosexual-Looking Wig, just to be safe. i don't want to miss out on that famous Hospitality.