in which Environmentally Conscious takes a backseat.

by virtue of inhabiting these united states, i am an energy-consuming, globe-warming, redwood-destroying waste of space. i harbor a significant amount of guilt about this. also by the fact that i live in a place where if oil wasn't so damn hard to get off the delicate outer layers of skin, its citizens would shower with it, splash around with maniacal glee, and refer to their bathrooms as The Place Where The Lifeblood Comes Out.

to cope with this overwhelming guilt in a very non-altruistic way, i try to limit the amount of waste i personally am responsible for. often i do this slightly to excess, like when i made the Bad Choice that time i was faced with a two-week old mostly full carton of soy milk. 'but if it hasn't spoiled yet it'll be so wasteful to throw it out.' this is an example of the thoughts i think. coincidentally, this is an example of the thoughts i openly curse when my intestines explode in a fit of boiling hot rage.

another example is that for the past two years i have steadfastly and stridently refused to turn on the baseboard heaters, which are conveniently located directly below The Worst-Sealed Windows In Existence. conservative estimates place somewhere between 85-95% of the heat produced by the baseboard heaters would be used to heat Outside, which, according to the baseboard heaters, 'needs it a lot more than you do.' attempts to explain to the baseboard heaters the complexities of Outside and its relation to Inside have proved unsatisfactory. instead i have been using a very tiny space heater, which requires a body part to be positioned no more than three inches from it to be sure it's really on. this has worked out well for me, as long as i stay in the section of my apartment furthest from the windows which is separated from the other sections of the apartment by a heavy sheet hanging over the doorway, and remain huddled underneath several blankets in my bed. i affectionately refer to this situation as The Cave. as long as i'm in The Cave, i can feel both my toes and my ears at the same time. while i'm usually not very adept at dealing with being confined to small spaces, i made a decision to immolate my need to use the other 3/4 of my apartment for the sake of Environmentally Conscious. also, i'm cheap.

recently i needed to be able to use the other 3/4 of my apartment for undisclosed activities. okay, i wanted to cook. 'hey, why don't you just turn on the baseboards, just for kicks, you know? don't feel guilty, it's just an experiment, to see if they work or if the windows really do have the sucking powers of a commercial vacuum. it's okay, if it gets scary, you can always turn them off, it's really easy. all you need to do is turn that knob right there.' and so forth.

the preliminary findings of the experiment have indicated that if i turn on the baseboards just a little bit more than i have been i can have full mobility throughout my apartment. and while The Cave and i have shared many life-changing memories, i'm sure it understands my need to move on. truth be told, it was kind of verbally abusive, telling me i was a complete dumbass for never turning on the baseboards for two whole years. i really don't need to be in that kind of relationship, you know?