in which Sickness is explored in breathtaking depth.

often, benign strangers will approach me and politely ask, 'kid, why is it that you never find yourself to be sick?' then those people impolitely posit various reasons for this odd phenomenon. while i'm Half-Ass Vegan (which is defined as preferring to be identified as vegan but enjoying the lusciousness of non-vegan chocolate, eggs, and cheese whenever the uterus erupts or another such emotional/intellectual/physical catastrophe is wreaked upon the body), i don't really eat anything not falling under the category of Cereal And/Or Takeout. so it's not the diet. for a while i thought i was just holding it in until i got health insurance, like i had a special Sickness Respiratory System that was holding its breath and would let it out and get sick once i started monthly laying my sacrifice at the altar of Privatized Health Care. but that happened almost a year ago, and still no sick. it's not genetics because my sister spent most of december recovering from tonsil removal surgery. she's 26. and as the Official Tonsil Removal Guide clearly states, you have to suffer from a Really High number of sinus and strep infections, back-to-back, to get them out after you've passed the age cutoff, which i believe in the united states is 11 years old. obviously i don't come from HealthyImmuneSystem stock.

i thought, 'you are a Popular Kid. you are constantly hanging out with lots of people in public places, where viruses and unhealthy levels of bacteria are known to frequent. it is impossible for you to be illness-free.' hours and one day went by, and then, i remembered. i have not been a Popular Kid since high school, when everyone's a Popular Kid because there's so many of us with nothing to do except join various clubs we don't care about so we can put them on our college applications. all in the name of capturing and claiming as our own the elusive Well-Rounded.

friends, there's no need to worry. the reason i have not been sick in 3 years is because that was the last time i Hung Out. Hanging Out makes you sick. don't believe pfizer when they try to sell you a Pre-Emptive Sickness Fighting Pill. just carefully and routinely become socially inept/awkward. worked for me.