in which my Observant Quotient sinks to new lows.

often when i'm walking alone my Observant Quotient is extremely high. i study the faces, expressions, and gestures of the people around me, sometimes with Inappropriate Interest. usually when i'm in those moods i notice people i know before they see me, and so they know i acknowledge them i try to be the first to start in with the greeting. because it's so annoying when i know someone Had to have seen me before i saw them, and they're too cool to be the first to say hi, the damn Snobby Unacknowledgers.

but sometimes i am extremely Focused. these days the Focus is centered exclusively on getting the fuck out of the cold coldness that lacerates my will to live with every step. this is when people start to think i'm a Snobby Unacknowledger, which i am, but not on purpose. it's that i'm Focused. the cold coldness has preoccupied the parts of my brain that ordinarily function to observe the people and things that make up my environment.

which is why just now, i did register that someone stepped out of that restaurant as i was walking by, but i did not have the sufficient Observant Quotient to look and see it was a...friend?...acquaintance?... those lines are so weird. i haven't figured out how to negotiate who falls into which category. remember, i'm socially awkward/inept. anyway, so when he acknowledged me, i wanted to immediately apologize for the very low Observant Quotient i had just displayed, but usually when i call attention to the things i'm completely wrapped up in people start to look at me strangely, because they hadn't noticed them at all. it was a completely nonexistent awkwardness that i'd perceived, but never the quitter, i just succeeded in creating some Anew. so i said nothing.

but i just want to let everyone know, for the record, i wasn't a Snobby Unacknowledger on purpose. for real. 'twas the cold coldness.