in which Outside is not fooled.

no matter how much i want it to be Gleeful Cheery Springtime, it is not happening right now. i need to be honest about that. because these last few days there has been a marked lapse in the frigidity, and i have shown my appreciation by wearing Springtime clothing. this generally consists of a single collared shirt, a single sock on each foot, and most importantly, No Coat/Jacket/Puffy Vest. but no matter how much i think i have any semblance of Power Of Suggestion over Outside, wearing the right wardrobe for the season i want it to be will not make it be that season. Yesterday i caught Outside laughing at my amateur attempts at manipulation. 'everyone knows the youngest sibling is always the Manipulated, not the Manipulator, dumbass. it is a law of nature, not to mention that all older siblings get automatic scholarships to the Camp of Sneaky Mindfucks while the youngest sibling is being weaned. you think rubber nipples were your mother's idea? oh no. that was your older sibling's first homework assignment: replace the youngest sibling's sweet, nurturing real nipple with a bitter, impersonal synthetic one, just because you can.' and i had no choice but hang my frozen head with a resigned knowing.