in which revenge converts fruit.

thanks solely to the Abominable ColonialismMan and unfair trade policies, bananas are a part of my daily life year-round. i can acquire these tasty fruits in any engorged supermarket or non-super market in this country, which is both disturbing and convenient. but not just any banana. of the multitude of details i attend to, banana ripeness is one of the least notorious. i categorically hate to put any banana between my chapped lips that is tinged with green. these bananas are only suitable for cooking when the supermarket or non-super market dares to be without plantains. otherwise they are to be left alone to ripen out of their hostile unsweetness and thick texture. plus they are hard to open, and you risk squishing the top of it if your determination is too undaunted.

but the sneaky banana must be closely watched, lest it avenge itself against the u.s.-backed dictatorships running its native country. it will allow itself to decompose into a mealy, brown-spotted atrocity whose pungent odor pervades the entire kitchen area. these types of bananas, regardless of the Authorities’ assertions that they are the most nutritious, are just plainly inedible. especially when combined with milk and cereal. i shudder at the thought of the banana breaking down into the milk leaving rugged mahogany banana bits in the bottom of the bowl. ew. not even to mention the creepy banana strings that can never be fully removed without getting your hands all gooey from the overripe mushy part.

no, there is scarcely a moment to waste when the banana is at its moment of perfection, with its bright yellow sheen and maybe just a few aesthetically pleasing tan freckles. because it’s still really pissed about the whole school of the americas thing, and it really wants to take it out on You. believe me, it doesn’t buy any of that shit about your identical political convictions or how it’s wrong to project hateful feelings and actions onto complicit but largely blameless persons.