a personality observation. Not To Be Misunderstood As A Confession.

before we go any further, i want to be sure everyone understands this (note superfluous dramatic buildup): i am a Hypocrite. not in a way that provides acquaintances and immediate family members material with which to gossip about me once or twice a week, and not in a way that lends itself to Harmless Teasing. i am a Hypocrite in a way that no one is able to even think about forming a sentence that would constitute Harmless Teasing, or Weekly Gossip for that matter, because the rushing tides of bitterness and resentment that would be unleashed would quickly become both Inappropriate and Embarrassing For Both Parties Involved. i divulge this not out of guilt, because one who is a Hypocrite quickly rationalizes one's own hypocrisy, just as quickly creates a non-prejorative use of the word, and even employs 'synonyms' for the non-prejorative use of the word such as Multi-Faceted, Complex, and Flexible. i divulge so that besides Hypocrite, an adjective which i agree should appear next to my name on all official documents and be attached to my physical body, the adjectives Liar, UnSelf-Aware, and Unwilling To Admit To 'Negative' Aspects Of Self will not be unjustly affixed to my black jacket and/or bike messenger bag. it's all about fairness.

to take this discussion out of the abstract and to ensonce it safely in the Real, an example:

yesterday when Crossing The Street, ignoring the foreboding solid red hand signal that advocates not Crossing The Street, i noticed a person inside a car honking at me and speeding up as though desiring to hit me. i thought to myself, 'stupid fucking driver. it's cold, doesn't she know that pedestrians have right of way all the time when it's cold because drivers are warm in their cars and pedestrians are exposing themselves to the cold coldness? it's just a rule.'

later, when it was dark, therefore making the cold coldness even colder, i found myself driving, somewhat against my will. a pedestrian engaged in Crossing The Street in front of my car right about the same time the light had turned green, and the pedestrian made eye contact with me. i openly glared at him thinking, 'stupid fucking pedestrian. can't he see that the light has turned green and that it's my turn to go? the light: green. his pedestrian sign: a big red fucking hand. it's just a rule.'