in which kids flee from Perkiness.

i know that there are many complex social pressures that induce perkiness in people, especially when they interact with strangers. i'm aware that the utter lack of gender equality in western "civilization" (a term used Very, Very loosely) has much to do with the fact that overly perky people are almost exclusively women. but i literally get the JurassicPark Don't Make Any Spontaneous Hand Gestures/Facial Expressions feeling, lest i am spotted and terrorized. to my extremely limited brain, it seems obvious that No One would act like that if they felt free enough to be Themselves. so there must be something extremely fucked-up and extremely secretive to let their Facades be that patently frightening. let it be said that i'm not talking about jovial friendliness, which is entirely different, in that it is sincere. you know the kind i speak of.

it's the kind that Nearly got me fired from a certain national video rental behemoth for not imitating to their absurd satisfaction at 6 motherfucking .75 an hour. thank god it was Nearly. whew, boy, i loved that job!!!!!!!

it's the kind that a few people i know elevate to a twisted art, pushing their voice pitches to new and nauseating highs.

it's the faux earnestness in those dramatic eyebrow expressions, making you wish parents never encouraged these types of children to take after-school acting classes, even if it was only for three months in the 4th grade. clearly some damage was done.

it's the pearly white teeth that gleam with no respect for people who may be sensitive to fluorescent lighting.

so it was out of fear that i avoided eye contact with you, hoping that you'd pass me over for another unsuspecting bank customer just trying to make a deposit. i didn't want you to know how i was doing today. i know it seems like i was ignoring you. i know you knew that i momentarily pretended to be deaf. i just wanted to wait for the impersonal, nonPerky teller to the left of you, who clearly hated my entire being. i can deal with hate. it's hate dressed up in overflowing love for all humankind that makes it me think you're a former, current, or future serial killer.